On Friday at the gym, one of the Psycho sequels was playing on the T.V. I happened to catch the moment where the heroine hallucinates: Norman Bates enters her bathroom dressed as his long dead mother[picture the gray wig and floppy dress], and in her stupor, she 'reads' him as Mary, the Mother of God.
Here's the thing. We believe in bad mothering, like Lady Macbeths and wicked stepmoms. We even believe they're worse than dark dowagers, and heartless spinsters like Ms. Hanigan because compassion for your children is a matter of biology, if nothing else. Portrayals of really bad mothers, though, are still pretty rare.
Just as rare as the good ones, who we don't believe in as easily. We resent or mistrust the Mrs. Cleavers in our neighborhoods. We think Katie Nowlan in A Tree Grows in Brooklyn is lovely, but one-dimensional.
If primetime is any indication, what we're most comfortable with is the well-meaning woman who marries a man who needs (s)mothering. She bears his children, and manages to (barely and at the cost of R&R, education, beauty, and/or solitude) keep things afloat. Home Improvement. The Flintstones. The Cosby Show. Roseanne. The Simpsons. The list is long...
Today, being Mother's Day, I think it's worth figuring out what exactly I'm honoring. Here's my question to you: why do you celebrate Mother's Day?
I'm lucky to have one of the elusive great mothers; today, I spent a great deal of my afternoon appreciating that she's given me the gift of letting me find my way and my place in the world, even when she probably saw some shortcuts, lost sleep over the mistakes I made and, knowing that love and success are scarcities, taught me volumes about what both these things mean.
I celebrate her, but I also celebrate what 'motherhood' broadly suggests: nurturing, teaching, caring, aiding, giving, listening, healing, loving, insisting, supporting, guiding, and mentoring. I know fathers who 'wear the aprons', and I celebrate them, too. I know childless women who are positive role models for girls, and I celebrate them. I celebrate women in general today because it doesn't hurt.
Happy Mother's Day, all.
An account of life, love, and tangles.
Rightsize Reminder
We're small and beautiful. The big and beautiful around us is worthy of our attention
2 comments:
Yesterday my friend posted something about how to communicate with children. Among other things, she said that Other Adults should behave as friends, but not Parents. I respectfully disagree in some respects.
I thought of how, on Sunday night, i saw Piggy sitting outside a circle of older children, and i had to stop and make sure she was happy, and that they respected her presence, and that all was well. It feels like a parenting thing to do. Not because i'm her parent, but because, in some way, i want to protect her and love her and teach her because she is still my child.
Mother's Day is very complicated for me. Of course there is the celebration of my own mother, who, despite any faults, has done a wonderful job as a mother. But, i think because of our particular circumstance, there is also a recognition of a community who mothered us. Some of the community in more concrete ways (like your mother to me), and some just by being a part of something larger than myself.
I hope my child knows community like that. It is a gift.
Community matters so much. Like Cap'n calling me to tell me that I ought to check out your reply here. I get awful tickled that the big ol' oonterweb can bring us all together like this. Thanks for reading, and thanks for sharing, and thanks for keeping an eye on Piggy while I was busy playin' tunes. Yeah, community matters a great deal.
-n&c-
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